that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
