Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
