We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
