At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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