Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i drank out of a bidet.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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