Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize