she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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