A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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