god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
false alarm. still invincible.
do herpes really smell.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
