I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It's official drugs can't kill me
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Randomize
