We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
tell me about the eggs
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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