I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
