I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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