can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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