everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
