in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
it's like heaven, but drunker
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
