she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I think my moral compass just broke
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
