its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
