can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
