You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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