I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize