my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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