Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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