I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
