ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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