D3 body, D1 cock
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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