matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
