I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
