OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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