I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize