you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
