I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
