apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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