STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
