I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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