i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
