I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
