I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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