Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
