Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
