im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize