did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
