Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize