Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
