i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
