it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
