You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
