I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Dick very happy bro
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
