Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
