in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
