If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
