Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
