I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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