someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
