Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
