he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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