I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
