I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
