Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize