I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
