Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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