I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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