I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
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