Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
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