Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
