I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
she told me i tasted like america
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
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